#855
Back outside MST Blanca
Date: 10/28/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
(Everyone's still busy spray-painting away. Lita 6969 has moved onto yet another, um, "interesting" mural. But suddenly, everyone stops).
Thena: I just remembered, we still haven't found your friend.
Rimmer: I keep telling you, there's really no reason for concern.
Cave Rimmer: What if they got eaten by bear?
Mickey: Or their horse, what with the luck Lita has, and all. (Mickey looks at the MSTBlanca wall). HEY! Look at that!
(everyone rushes over)
Thena: What is it, a clue?
Lita 6969: Honey, if you want to see a clue on the wall, check out my artwork.
Mickey: PM's got a merry-go-round now. Who's Steve?
(everyone walks away, angry)
Thena: Is he always like this?
Rimmer: The sad thing is, I think he's back to normal.
Thena: I thought he was the one who painted that.
Rimmer: Yeah, but he probably doesn't remember. That's why he thought it was a real advertisement for the bar.
Mickey: (yells to the others) Why would PM call himself a great big jerk on his own sign? Is this some kind of new advertising campaign? Like reverse psychology, or something? Hey, why do I got spray paint?
Rimmer: See, everything that happened since we were at the Delta Knight's hideout, he doesn't remember,
Thena: Well, what does he remember?
Rimmer: I think I know. Watch.
(Rimmer and Thena turn around just in time to see Mickey painting, in big letters, "GOOD SOUP HERE")
Rimmer: I knew it. I should place bets on these things.
Mickey: Hey, anybody notice this forest, before? I mean, New Hampshire's all forest, but I've never seen a forest grow directluy over a garden, before.
Rimmer: Mickey, the MSTBlanca moved again.
Thena: Your friends are probably in there. Let's go.
Rimmer: You really want to find them right now? We should probably wait a few minutes...actually, knowing Evil Mike...maybe we should just grab a bowl of soup first.
Mickey: Oh goody.
Thena: Alright, if we must. Any places you could recommend?
Mickey: Oh, I know a little place...(poins at the MSTBlanca)
Thena: You eat at the place of your greatest enemy?
Rimmer: We used to only drink there. But, it's really the only place to go. Ever since h_wood closed down his EAT franchise after that incident with Critter.
Cave Rimmer: Plus, while we're there, we can say hi to ghosts.
Mickey: And ride the merry-go-round.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
Glad PM moved the MSTBlanca. His last neibourghs were jerks...wait a minute...
#856
<rides her tricycle through the post....
Date: 10/28/2001
From: IWasATeenageWurwolf
..........................................
.....rings the bell and waves>
*ring ring!* Hi everyone!
<peddles away>
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#857
<peddles back in.....>
Date: 10/28/2001
From: IWasATeenageWurwolf
................................
I just read some replies and I see that you all are stealing my dots idea!!!!!!!! HMMPH!!!!!!
No, I'm just kidding. See, there are ways of getting around the Duh! Up yours, Duh'minion!
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
#858
Oh, and that should be "pedals"! <nt>
Date: 10/28/2001
From: IWasATeenageWurwolf
...................................
I'm wasting replies!!!!! Wheeeeeeee!!!!!!!1
fs!!
#859
inside MSTblanca...
Date: 10/28/2001
From: pitchTork
Made you look!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
< Tork is at a table talking to some of the ghosts. >
Tork: So there I was, running from this weird man with a black ring in his palm. A Lita clone ( who had been killed by grandmapa ) told me that my soul had seperated from my body, which was now at the hospital.
Duo: How did you survive?
Tork: Well, that was pretty easy. The guy just walked after me and when I joined my body, all my injuries disappeared.
Seis: That's it.
Tork: No, no, that's not it. After I got out of my hospital bed a wurwolf attacked me. Of all the rooms they could of put me in...
Bob: So how did you escaped.
Tork: Well, listen carefully. You'll never believe this, but just when it looked like I was going to meet that weird guy again, I summoned all my courage and < notices Rimmer and crew > Hey, over here!! I already got a table! There plenty of room. You got to try this soup, MickeytheBunny. Just push grandmapa out of the way here.
Not a Fraidy Cat after that (implied) adventure
grandmapa is still unconscious at MSTblanca!
#860
Tork hops around on a pogo stick....
Date: 10/28/2001
From: pitchTork
Time out................................
I've been wanting to say it for a while and now I think I will.
"Guy in the bathroom: LOOK OUT!!!"
( Hehe. Exciting bathroom action! )
Of all the "Beginning text"s, that one is easily my favorite. Everyone give a hand for MickeyTheBunny.
MickeyTheBunny: Victimized by the Duh.
#861
I'm kind of partial to 807
Date: 10/28/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
PM: Lita, you "want" me
Anyway Tork, thanks for the table, but I don't think we can all fit. There's like a 100 Delta Knight's with us, and we all want soup.
PM: Whoa, wait...There's a maximum occupancy of 75 in here.
Mickey: You're going to disagree with *them*.
(two really big, I mean REALLY big, Delta Knights, step in front of PM)
PM: Well, I'm sorry everybody, but it's a fire hazard.
(one of the really big Delta Knights pick up PM)
Really Big Delta Knight #1: SOOOOOUUUUPPPP!!!
PM (Nervous laugh): Ok...(PM gets put back down)
Mickey: See, everybody loves soup. (some time passes, everybody's finished with their soup) Hey, is it time to go get Lita, yet?
Rimmer (looks at her watch): No, we still have lots of time left. (everyone exits the MST Blanca)
(Mickey trips over something on his way out)
Mickey: Hey...who left this tricycle here?
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weeee!
For some strange reason, remembers Moe's has a maximum occupancy of 75.
#862
Ack and zoinks!
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Rimferatu
I've been trying to get in all weekend but that 13 Ghosts ad was shutting me out.
Okay everyone, we are sprinting to reply #1,000 so we can reach it by Halloween night. I'll accept no less.
Just to get things rolling I'm kidnapping Nabut and I'm issuing PhannyToastius a no cheating ticket. He may not "take back" Nabut in any way until Thursday evening at 8:00 pm est time (Yeah, when survivor starts). He may not claim I don't have the real Nabut, he may not proclain it all a dream, he may not indulge in any cheap rpg tricks at all. Nabut is mine until the time specified.
Oh, and I broke PM's jukebox until that time too. He can have a rockin' party but he may not have use of his jukebox. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Rimmi: Nabut- er- Nobutt is mine!!! <resumes putting graffiti on MSTBlanca>
#863
Oooohhh! Let me help
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Mick_or_Treat
******************
Mickey: That wasn't a very nice thing to do.
Rimmer: You mean kidnapping Nabut?
Mickey: No, breaking the jukebox. You just...there should be a law.
Rimmer: It had all Nsync songs on it. It had to be done.
Mickey: Well, I do see your poin. Are you sure this is the real Nabut?
Nabut: (faintly) mommy?
Rimmer: It better be, if PM knows whats good for him.
Cave Rimmer: We look for Lita, now.
Mickey: Gee, you think enough time has passed? I wouldn't want to find a naked Evil Mike.
Rimmer: Oh, I don't think it would be that bad. Besides, Lita might be naked, too, Mickey.
Mickey: Been there, seen that...Little Miss Exhibitionist, there.
Thena: Well, My Knights will scour this forest, and...
Rimmer: Not so fast, sister. I'm tired of listening to you. And now's a good time as any to say that your revenge sucked.
Mickey: To be fair, the fumes from the spray paint weren't that bad.
(Cave Rimmer knocks Thena unconcius with her club)
Rimmer: Oh, nice going, me. Now the Delta Knights are going to be pissed off at us.
Cave Rimmer: Isn't that what you wanted?
Rimmer: No, I was thinking of arm wrestling her for leadership, or something.
(Everybody starts running, and the Delta Knights give chase)
Rimmer: Hey, Mickey? Do that time freeze thingie. I got an idea.
Mickey: Okay. (Waves his hand; but nothing happens)
Rimmer: Nice time for it not to work.
Mickey: Hold on, will you? (waves his hand again, nothing happens)
Rimmer: You know, Lita has soup with her.
(Mickey waves again; everything stops. Rimmer takes Cave Rimmer's club, and places it in one of the Delta Knight's hands)
Mickey: What's that going to do?
Rimmer: The Delta Knights are even stupider than you, Mickey. Wave your hand again.
(Mickey waves his hand again. The Delta Knights are unfrozen, and are now attacking the one with the club.)
Mickey: Cool. Hey did you here that. It sounds like somethings behind this bush. (Looks) EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Lita 6969: Hold that pose, honies. I think I just got my inspiration for my next mural.
Mickey T. Gardener
Lousy Singer
Squirrels...Monster Truck! Weee!
Almost said "moral" instead of "mural" That would've been funny.
#864
EM: Aw, dammit!
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Carmelita9000
----------------------------------
EM: Couldn't you people have waited just another five minutes?
Lita: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK!!!!1!!!!!11!!1!!!!11!
Rimmer: Oh, calm down! It's not like we've never seen you two naked before. (Geez, it seems like you take any excuse to...)
Lita: AAAAAAHHHHHH! Ghosts! They're back from the dead! They're haunting us! <Lita faints>
Rimmer: Ghosts?! Where???
<Rimmer looks around, all scaredy like, but sees no ghosts.>
Rimmer: Evil Mike, what was that all about?
EM: Aw, nothing. She just thinks you're all dead, is all.
Rimmer: Why does she think that?
EM: Because I told her so. Duh.
Rimmer: Okaaay…. So did she even take five seconds to mourn our untimely deaths before getting naked?
EM: Hey, grief affects people in weird ways.
Rimmer: Anyway, wake her up so she can put her clothes back on and get back into the revenge party.
EM: Yeah, I guess. Lita, wake up. It's time to not be naked anymore. *sigh*
<Lita comes to, finds her dress, and starts to put it back on. Evil Mike looks around, then looks at Rimmer, puzzled.>
EM: Hey, where are my clothes?
Rimmer: *acting all innocent* Oh, gee, they aren't here? Where could they possibly be? I'm sure I have no idea! *smile*
Lita: EEEK!!! Begone unholy apparition!
<Rimmer doesn't disappear>
Rimmer: Lita, I'm not--
<Lita doesn't hear Rimmer, because she's too busy fainting with horror.>
Rimmer: Oh. So you're going to be like that are you? (Geez, I can't stand these women who faint all the time.) Fine. I'll just take advantage of Evil Mike's nuditosity while you're out.
Lita: *comes to* Huh? Hey, knock it off! Evil Mike isn't allowed to have relations with dead people!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Habitual Accidental Exhibitionist
Mickey: Hey! I'm here too! What, don't I even get one line? Was I just standing around picking my nose or something? Show a little consideration for other people's feelings!
Lita: Quit being so paranoid, Rabbit. Nobody's writing you out of the plot. Look at 6969. She didn't get any lines either, and you don't see her complaining. She's just… hey! Look what she's doing to Nabut!
#865
[PM] Nabut! Where are you?!?
Date: 10/29/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[PM] Great. First some jokers spray paint the side of my bar, then some idiot breaks the Dimensional Expand-o-tron so that the maximum capacity is reduced to 75, and now Nabut's gone! And you ghosts! Why didn't you kick Tork outta here?
[Duo] I was just glad that someone remembered my name!
[PM] Fair enough. [He shrugs.] Well, time to clean up the mess myself, I guess. [He pulls out his remote control and sets the Gumby clay exterior siding to "teflon". In minutes, the spray paint runs down into a rainbow puddle on the ground.]
[Quatre] You mean that's it? Why did you need Nabut to do that?
[PM] Eh, I've been a criminal mastermind for a long time. I'm used to having my henchmen do stuff for me. Oh well, time to get the soup of the day going.
[Trio] What kind of soup's on special?
[PM] Cream of Broccoli.
[Eleven-Bob] Oooh! That is Bob's very very favoritest soup! No pranks on you today, Mister Pharaoh! Bob promises!
[Triskadeka] Dammit, Eleven-Bob! That's the third time in a row you've done that! I had some great mischief planned, too!
[Eleven-Bob get serious.] Don't fool with Bob's soup, Triska. Bob can't abide those who fool with his soup!
[Triskadeka] EEP! Err, okay, Bobby! [Under her breath] Stupid friggin Eleven-Bob...
[Lita6969 storms into the bar.] Okay, who messed up my artwork? I spent a LOT of time-- Pharaoh, baby!
[PM] Lita6969! Say, could you come back and look at my hot tub? It's having problems again, if ya know what I mean!
[Lita6969] Plumbing stopped up again?
[PM grins.] You *could* say that...
[Lita6969] Hee hee! Sure! Just show me what needs fixing, baby! [She and PM go into PM's office.]
[Triskadeka] Ugh! I think I'm gonna be ill!
[Duo] Tell me about it, sister!
[Eleven-Bob] What? She's just going to fix his hot tub! Trio whispers in Eleven-Bob's ear. Eleven-Bob grins widely.] OH! Bob didn't know that meant they were gonna have--
[Duo, Trio, Triskadeka] DON'T SAY IT!!!
------------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, in a dark dungeon somewhere, Nabut regains consciousness.]
[Nabut] What th--?!? Kidnapped? Better call the boss! [Nabut taps a few keys on his wrist communicator.] Boss, are you there?
[PM, over communicator.] WHAT?!? Nabut? What do you want? This better be good! I'm in the middle of an important meeting!
[Lita6969, hardly audible over communicator.] Baby, hurry up! My neck's getting stiff!
[PM, now also barely audible.] Wait a second! I'll be right back!
[Nabut] Err... I mean... well, it seems I've been kidnapped, my liege.
[PM] Yeah, I know, Rimmer told me all about it.
[Nabut] So that's who got me! Would you like me to sabotage her headquarters when I escape?
[PM] NO!!! You can't escape!
[Nabut] Sure I can! The cell isn't even locked!
[PM] No, I made a deal with her; you can't escape until Thursday.
[Nabut] Thursday?!? But that's four whole days! You expect me to stay in captivity for four days?!?
[PM, getting annoyed.] Yes I do! A deal's a deal! Besides, Rimmer probably won't treat you *too* badly. And if you need a break for awhile, just sneak out, have a few drinks, and sneak back into your cell! Just make sure she doesn't catch you; after all, I *did* make a deal with her.
[Nabut] I don't think I like this very much! You'll be hearing from my lawyer!
[PM, less audible again.] No, seriously, I'll be right there. This'll only take a minute. [Louder again.] In case you forgot, your contract lists *me* as your sole legal representation.
[Nabut] Okay then, you'll be hearing from you about this!!!
[PM] Yeah, whatever. Talk to you later, Nabut. [PM ends transmission.]
[Nabut] Well, guess I'd better make the most of this. I can gather intelligence about the enemy! Yeah, that's it! This is a great opportunity for me! [He sees some old electronic equipment in a closet down the hall. He lets himself out of his cell, picks up a few old radios and a beat-up old TV, and lets himself back into his cell.] Now, time to make myself productive... [He begins tinkering with the electronics.]
TmPM
All soups come with choice of side salad or bread
Sarcophagus!
#866
<wanders in clueless>
Date: 10/29/2001
From: shecreature
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
She: Tricycles, kidnapping and naked people? I should stop in more often!
she
With the music of life my soul is out of tune
And I feel like I'm growing old much too soon
#867
<Lita and EM saunter into the dungeon>
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Carmelita9000
()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()
<Evil Mike is wearing a fluffy white towel (apparently, it's all anybody could find). Lita is eating a cookie. She sees Nabut, sitting in his cell.>
Lita: Eeek! Evil Mike! It's another one of those scary ghosts!
EM: <rolls his eyes> Yep. They sure are everywhere, aren't they? Hey, Nabut. Why isn't your cell locked?
Lita: Like it would do any good even if it was. Ghosts can go through walls.
EM: Yeah, whatever. I'd lock it, but I think it'd be really funny to see what Ass does when he escapes.
Nabut: Is that a MSTBlanca towel you're wearing?
EM: *longish pause* No…
Nabut: Then why does it have the MSTBlanca monogram on the--
Lita: Hey, ghost guy! What are you doing with all those broken radios and stuff?
Nabut: <To Evil Mike> Why does she keep calling me a ghost?
EM: Shut up! You're our prisoner! We ask you the questions!
<Nabut sighs impatiently and goes back to his tinkering.>
Lita: Did you get all that stuff out of the hall closet?
Nabut: *no response*
Lita: Oh well. I don't like talking to ghosts anyway. They give me the willies!
Nabut: Yeah… they're getting a little sick of you too…
Lita: What was that?
Nabut: Nothing.
Lita: Let's go, Evil Mike.
EM: Sure thing.
Lita: <Just as she and EM go out the door> I guess it's a good thing he's already dead. All the electronics were in the hall closet because they have faulty wiring.
Nabut: Hm. I hadn't noticed that. I guessed for safety's sake, I should stop messing with this th-- *ZAAAAAAP!!!!!!*
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
still hasn't been told that Evil Mike was lying about the bear.
Hey, I didn't know we had a dungeon!
Where is it, anyway?
#868
[Nabut] Faulty electronics?
Date: 10/29/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[Nabut] Even better! It saves me the trouble of faultifying them myself!
[Narrator] Note that Weird Science machineries work best when they're built from faulty electronics.
[Nabut] Who's that?!?
[Narrator] Errm.. uh... that is, nobody!
[Nabut] You can't fool me! I heard you!
[Veintedos appears.] Okay, you caught me.
[Nabut] YOU?!? Shouldn't you be hanging around with the other spooks, causing trouble?
[Veintedos] Nah, the boss sent me to keep an eye on you. You know, to make sure you don't escape for good before Thursday.
[Nabut] Dammit!
[Veintedos] Yeah, it's a bitch, isn't it?
[Nabut] Can you at least tell me where this dungeon is?
[Veintedos] Not sure; it's the sub-sub-basement of some house. It's probably Rimmer's house, since she's the one who kidnapped you.
[Nabut] That would explain the "AJR" monograms on all the towels.
[Veintedos] Well anyway, you wouldn't believe some of the weird crap she's got hidden in her closet upstairs!
[Nabut] You're snooping around in Rimmer's stuff?!?
[Veintedos] Yeah, it's the kind of thing we evil ghosts do. I saw some stuff up there that'd make your hair stand up on end!
[Nabut, looking nervous.] Really? Like what?
[Veintedos] Hair gel. You rub it on your head, and it makes your hair stand up on end.
[Nabut, mildly irritated.] Oh.
[Veintedos] Anyway, she's also got some *real* kinky shiznit up there.
[Nabut, suddenly interested.] Really? You mean like whips and chains?
[Veintedos] Pfah! That's just the tame stuff she's got up there! There's inflatable things, and battery-powered things, and things that look like that Evil Mike guy...
[Nabut] No way!
[Veintedos] Yes way! And she's got some amateur videos, too, if ya know what I mean! [Gives Nabut the wink-wink, nudge-nudge.]
[Nabut] Cool! Bring 'em down, and I'll stop making an escape-o-matic portal generator and make a VCR instead!
Nabut Al'Nahotep
Trusted Lieutenant of Pharaoh Mobius
Heck, might as well make the most of this situation... >=)
Cartouche!
#869
Rim: <watching monitors of Nabut and...
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Rimferatu
ghost>
<uddenly a ghostbusters-type vacuum thingie comes out of the cieling and sucks up the ghost and seals it all up never to come out again. A hologram of the ghost appears tp take Vientedo's place when he reports to PM so PM won't know anything is up. HA! Then Rimmi steps out of the darkness.>
Rim: That sure would have been amusing if this were my home, huh! <A large magnet comes out of the ceiling and steals away all those dumb radios and things (as well as Nabut's wrist communicator) Nabut is working on.> And no, the door is not locked but this whole cage is surrounded with an invisible shield that will zap the crap out of you if you try to leave..... but I'm not totally heartless. <Some board games drop from the ceiling.> There, keep yourself occupied. And Lita, you need to get Lita6969 back here, or at least call Mrs. Mobius and tell her what her dear hubby is doing with Lita6969.
Lita, let's talk woman to woman a moment. What did the Women's Lib teach us? To be subservient to men? To let men outsmart us and make us look like stupid, bumbling women? NO! PM has thwarted us at every turn it's about time that stopped. HE'S the villain here, not us. He needs to start losing once in while, not us. Right? <Rimmi uses the vacuum one more time to accidently remove EM's towel.> I'd like to see a world where MEN are subjected to gratuitous nude scenes. Isn't that the world you envision Lita?
#870
Rimmi, you're absolutely right.
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Carmelita9000
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Guess who I have on speed dial!
<Lita pulls her phone out of her pocket (she has pockets now, because she finally changed out of that princess thing, and into some real clothes), and presses a couple of buttons. She speaks into the phone in a really worried, pathetic sounding voice.>
Mrs. Mobius? Hi, I'm sorry to bother you. But one of my clones wandered off while we were visiting MSTBlanca, and she never came home! I'm so worried about her! Yes, she goes by the name Carmelita6969. She has no will power at all, and I'm scared some unscrupulous person will try to take advantage of her! Do you know where she might be? You do? Oh, good. Could you send her home if you find her? Thank you so much! I'm so grateful! Buh-bye!
<Lita turns off the phone and smiles at Rimmer.>
Well, that takes care of that! She said she thinks she has an idea of where to find 6969. And she's heading out to find her right now. I knew it was a good idea to let 6969 escape before we came here!
…Hey, Rimmer… You're not really… dead… are you?
Rimmer: I'm ever so not.
Lita: Uh-huh. I was starting to get that impression. MIKE!!!!!!!
EM: Bye!
<Evil Mike dashes out the door, and up some stairs. A moment later, a ball of yelling pink fur rolls by. Apparently Evil Mike pushed Mickey down the stairs as he passed. And apparently Mickey is still wearing that rabbit suit. To each his own.>
Lita: I'll go punish Evil Mike in a minute.
Rimmer: Mind if I help?
Lita: Go ahead. Just no smoochies, all right? In the meantime, didn't you say the floor to Nabut's dungeon area was electrified too?
Rimmer: No.
Lita: Rimmer, come on! Cooperate! I'm working on a plot point, here!
Rimmer: Oh, right! Yes.
Lita: I was just remembering some videos we watched in my old psychology class, where a bunch of jerk scientists used electric shock to cruelly condition a bunch of innocent lab-rats to do a variety of unnatural behaviors.
<Lita presses a button on Rimmer's control panel, and they watch on the video screen as Nabut shouts and leaps into the air.>
Lita: Let's condition him to do that every 3 minutes.
Rimmer: Sounds good to me. Think we've given Evil Mike enough time to hide?
Lita: Oh, plenty. TIME'S UP, EVIL MIKE!!! READY OR NOT, HERE WE COME!!! All right, let's go find his naked ass!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<Meanwhile, at MSTBlanca, Pharaoh Mobius is unwisely continuing to be naked with Carmelita6969 in his office. The two are interrupted in a very compromising position by a very angry Mrs. Mobius kicking down the door. What she sees doesn't make her any happier. Boy, would I hate to be PM right now!1!>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
#871
Hmm. I just thought of something.
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Carmelita9000
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Lita6969 doesn't know where we are. So wherever she goes when she leaves MSTBlanca, it won't be here. I guess she could go to my place. (Wherever this place is, it certainly isn't my place.) Or not. Nevermind, it doesn't matter. I'll catch up with her eventually. I always do.
Rimmer: Yeah, Lita. That's a great monologue you've got going there. Care to get back to finding Evil Mike? It's almost time to give Nabut his next... "treatment."
Lita: Oh, right! I found him! <Lita pulls Evil Mike out from behind the couch.>
Rimmer: Good work! <Rimmer presses a button, and a scream along with some cursing can be heard from Nabut's cell, down in the dungeon.> Things are looking up!
<Mickey comes in wearing an apron over his bunny costume, and holding a big plate.>
Mickey: Hey, guys! I made nachos!
Lita: Things are really looking up!
#872
Rim: You know what else I'd like to do?
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Rimferatu
<<<<<<<<:8)))~~~ (rat mode)>>>>>>
Rim: I'd like to get rid of Nabut's nasty little habit of calling PhannyBloatius "my liege." It's so demeaning. Let's train him to call PM something more dignified like...... my little peach pit.
#873
What happened to your rat, Rimmer?!
Date: 10/29/2001
From: pitchTork
It looks like PM decapitated it!
#874
Damn that Pharaoh Mobius!
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Rimferatu
He done kilt my rat!
#875
MARSH PHOBIA HAND MAT OUT!
Date: 10/29/2001
From: HenryX
Monkey lid threat!
#876
Lita: Boy, a name thing too?
Date: 10/29/2001
From: Carmelita9000
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Lita: This could get complicated, fast.
Rimmer: <Looking at her watch.> Uh-huh. <She presses her button again, and Nabut gets another shock. But we've got till Thursday night to figure it out. Nabut will be our bitch by then.
Lita: Yeah. Hey, let me introduce you to somebody. I don't know if you've met.
<A Lita clone walks in.>
Rimmer: Lita, I know about your clones. Do you have anything original?
Lita clone: Hey!
Lita: This is Carmelita42. She's actually one of my more loyal and sensible clones. I think we should have her take over Nabut's behavior modification. That would free us up to do other things.
Rimmer: Like what?
Lita: I don't know, maybe plan the next phase of our revenge? Look, do you really want to be constantly staring at your watch until Thursday, so that you can shock him every three minutes? I don't know why we didn't install a timer on that thing…
Rimmer: Can we trust her?
Lita: Of course! But if you're nervous, you can send Cave Rimmer down with her. Between the two of them, the job should get done. And we can always check up on their progress.
Rimmer: Yeah, ok. Just as long as she knows what she's doing. From what I've seen, your clones aren't too bright.
Lita42: I can hear you!
Lita9000: I've got 9000 clones. They aren't all going to be geniuses. This one's fine. Hey, as long as were adding new stuff to the list, why don't we train Nabut to spit on anybody he sees wearing a stupid Pharaoh hat?
Rimmer: Sounds good to me. All right, 42, you heard the lady. <She hands Carmelita42 the controls.> Get down there and get to work! I'll go find Cave Rimmer and tell her what's going on.
<Rimmer leaves the room. Lita waves at Evil Mike, who has been tied up and gagged in the corner during the entire conversation. He glares back. Lita looks at the viewscreen, which shows Nabut's cell. Lita42 comes on the screen, and chats pleasantly with him for a moment. Then she presses the button, and Nabut jumps into the air and shouts. Lita smiles.>
Mickey: *with great annoyance* Isn't anybody going to eat these nachos? They're getting cold!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
has read "A Clockwork Orange."
And so has 42.
I don't know why the floor shocks Nabut, but not Lita42. Maybe the electric floor only extends to the edge of his cell. Or maybe it's just one of those funny little plot holes that it's better not to think about.
#878
Rim: Come on, the name thing is funny.
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Rimferatu
I only wish we could do this to PM instead.
I wonder how PM is dealing with his wife?
#879
Lita: The name thing was funny!
Date: 10/30/2001
From: Carmelita9000
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
Lita: It really was! I laughed!
Rimmer: *no response*
Lita: I'm not being sarcastic, it was funny!
Rimmer: *no response*
Lita: Come on, Rim, don't be like that, it was funny!
Rimmer: *aside to the reading public* (I bet I can keep her going like this for at least 10 more minutes!) *To Lita* <no response, but a single tear glistenes in her eye>
Lita: Aw, geez, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to insult your plan! It was a good plan! 42's doing it right now! No kidding!
Rimmer: *no response*
Lita: *becoming alarmed* Well, why won't you answer me???
<And so on. You get the gist.>
Lita
Queen Bitch?
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
is also curious about what Mrs. Mo is doing right now.
It better not involve serious injury to Lita's clone.
Lita's protective that way.
#880
[PM] Just a little further now... there!
Date: 10/30/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
<<<Stealth Mode>>>
[Mrs. Mobius storms into MSTBlanca, chewing up the scenery and spitting out 200% attitude. As she approaches the door to PM's office, she is shocked to hear the following exchange...]
[PM] Just a little more...
[Lita6969] I can't! I'm slipping!
[PM] Here, let me grab this... YES!
[Mrs. Mobius kicks the door in with all the power her rage can give her. She looks into the room to find...
Carmelita6969 and PM fully dressed, and both pulling on a large monkey wrench?!? It seems that they were working on the plumbing to his hot tub after all!]
[Mrs. Mo] Err... this is *not* what I was expecting.
[PM] Nefertiti, dear! What brings you here?
[Mrs. Mo] Well, to tell you the truth, I was told you were cheating on me, so I came to catch you in the act.
[PM] Cheating on you? Who told you that?
[Mrs. Mo] Oh, that Carmelita9000 and A_Judas_Rimmer. They said that they heard your ghosts talking about seeing you doin' the nasty with this young lady.
[PM] Oh, those ghosts! They're a bunch of gossips and rumor-mongers! You know how evil ghosts can be!
[Mrs. Mo laughs.] Yeah, like the one that was haunting our palace when we moved in?
[PM] That was *before* you made it subject to your will, if I recall correctly. [All three laugh, though Lita6969 isn't sure why.] But anyway, you know I wouldn't cheat on you! Why would I spend all that money on marriage counseling if I wasn't going to be faithful?
[Mrs. Mo] Well, you can't blame me entirely. You *did* have an affair with this and one or two other Lita clones, and it wasn't all that long ago.
[PM] True. I can't deny it, but I want to put that behind me and build on *our* relationship. That's why I had Lita6969 come back here to fix the hot tub. I wanted to surprise you with a romantic rendezvous...
[Mrs. Mo] Wait a minute, though. I've seen some of the replies prior to this one, and you two were *awfully* affectionate. What's up with that?
[PM] Well, we *were* seeing each other for awhile, and we're still good friends!
[Lita6969] Yeah, Pharaoh-honey put me through his Advanced Plumbing and Nuclear Engineering Correspondance course! He didn't want to see me slutting around, making a living at strip clubs!
[PM] But didn't Lita and Rimmer and Mickey and all of them find you doing table dances at the Delta Knights headquarters?
[Lita6969] Well... okay, yeah. They called me in to unclog the grease-trap--
[PM] They had a kitchen?
[Lita6969] No, this one was in the urinal-drain.
[PM] YUGH!!! Anyway, please continue.
[Lita6969] Well anyway, once I was finished working, I got caught up in the whole party atmosphere!
[Mrs. Mo] So you came for the plumbing, but stayed for the stripping? [All three laugh.]
[Lita6969] Yeah, you could say that. Old habits die hard. Well, Pharaoh-baby, your hot tub should be working now. The bill comes to $225.
[PM] Here, keep the change. [He hands her the money. For THE PLUMBER-WORK, nothing else, you gutter-brains!]
[Lita6969] Well, I gotta go now to meet my fiancee.
[Mrs. Mo] You have a fiancee?
[Before Lita6969 can answer, a man wearing a gray Gizmonics jumpsuit who looks suspiciously like Mike Nelson walks in.]
[Lita6969] BABY!!! [She runs up and plants a big wet kiss on the Mike Nelson look-alike. He smiles briefly, then his face returns to a more or less neutral expression.] Pharaoh-honey, Mrs. M, I want you to meet my fiancee, Apathetic Mike! Say hi, honey!
[Apathetic Mike] Yah, whatever.
[Lita6969] Isn't he CUTE?!? Come on now honey, we have to go register a hall for the reception!
[Apathetic Mike] Whatever. Why not? [They exit.]
[PM] Well, they make a cute couple.
[Mrs. Mo] Frankly I think they make a thoroughly bizarre couple, but somehow it's fitting. I think.
[PM] Anyway, now that you're here... [He grins suggestively.]
[Mrs. Mo] Yeah, now that I'm here... Oh, I just remembered. With the door kicked down, we won't have much privacy-- [She turns around to see that the door has repaired itself.]
[PM] Behold the power of Gumby clay!
[Mrs. Mo] You're cute, you! Now into the tub!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
You didn't think I'd let you get away with ruining my marriage, did you?
I may be evil, but I'm not adulterous!
Sarcophagus!
#881
[Later that evening...]
Date: 10/30/2001
From: PharaohMonstrous
[PM and Mrs Mo are sitting back, sipping champagne and looking at the flickering glow of monitors. The images these monitors are showing include the goings on of PM's minions, Rimmer and Lita's crew, the posts on the MST3K board, and one of PM's Red Dwarf tapes.]
[PM] Check it out. Rimmer's replaced Veintedos with a hologram.
[Mrs. Mo] How can you tell?
[PM] Well, the grisly facial alterations that he goes through are completely random, right? I've detected a pattern to the changes in the one that's been reporting to me for the last 12 hours; it goes through a cycle of 5997 iterations before it repeats, so it wasn't obvious at first. When I saw that it was repeating, I checked the spectromatron and saw that there wasn't any psychokinetic energy readings coming off of Veintedos. That confirmed that this Veintedos is, in fact, an impostor.
[Mrs. Mo] There's that, and there's the fact that Rimmer said that she vaccuumed up the ghost and replaced him with a hologram 11 replies ago.
[PM, slightly bemused.] Yeah, there *is* that, too.
[Mrs. Mo] Sutenhotep, it says here that you've been thwarting these girls at every turn. Is that true?
[PM] Shyeah! As if! They've been vandalizing, robbing, and humiliating me left and right! They come to my truce parties, eat my food, drink my liquoir, scuff up my dance floor, steal my toilet paper and towels and stuff, break my jukebox, and then spit my hospitality back in my face! And they call *me* the villain! I say HAH! And HAH again!!!
And where do they get off trying to bring male chauvanism into this? I've done nothing of the sort! Besides, there's plenty of anti-male discrimination these days!
[Mrs. Mo] Yeah, the media and culture as a whole do seem to want to portray men as utter fools. Like in the beer commercials, for instance.
[PM] EXACTLY! Actually, pretty much any commercial these days. Every man ends up acting like a five-year old, and the woman ends up rolling her eyes, smiling indulgently, and "taking care of her overgrown kid." Is it any wonder boys don't know how an adult male is supposed to act?
[Mrs. Mo] Tell me about it. I mean, I'm all for equality of the sexes, but this whole anti-male thing is just plain ignorant.
[PM] So you see, I'm the wronged party, here! Not them!
[Mrs. Mo] But you have been antagonizing them relentlessly, and keeping them from completely defeating you, right?
[PM] Of course! I'm a master criminal, that's what I do best! But that doesn't make them any less jerks! I mean, look at what they're doing to poor Nabut!
[Mrs. Mo] Ouch! Couldn't you get him out of there?
[PM] No, I agreed no to until Thursday. That's the bugger of taking the "honorable villain" disadvantage: it always leads to setbacks in an RP environment.
[Mrs. Mo] Hah! You are such a geek! RPG geek!
[PM] I am not!
[Mrs. Mo] Yes, you are! But you're a cute geek! [She gives him a peck on the cheek.]
[PM] Only one thing worries me about Nabut's situation: they're trying to insinuate some major psychological conditioning.
[Mrs. Mo] But Nabut's already the product of massive psychological conditioning! If they tamper with his conditioning too much, it could...
[PM] They have no idea what they could be unleashing...
------------------------------------------------------------
[Meanwhile, in a certain dungeon, a horrifying change is taking place in the mind of a certain Pulp Villain's right-hand man...]
[Nabut, recovering from yet another electric jolt.] YEEOWW-urk!!! [Nabut twitches, and clutches his head. He screams for about a minute, then stops and gets a goofy look on his face. He goes through the trunk of old clothes that Rimmer left in his cell (what with all the shocks, he *really* needed a change of clothes, okay?) until he finds a nappy-looking striped shirt and a floppy cap. He puts them on, and starts looking around in a crazed fashion.]
[Nabut] People are stupider these days than they used to be! They need some serious edjucatin', my friends! [He stops and thinks for a moment.] I need me a watermellon. RIMMER!!! Get me a WATERMELLON!!!
The mad Pharaoh Mobius
Looks like Rimmer hath unleashed the Godfather of all prop comics,
Before whom Carrot Top doth look like a piker and unto a rank amateur!
Sarcophagus-o-Matic!
Next up: PM dies
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